When Being Feared Feels Safer Than Being Seen

By Divensley Toussaint-Charles, (School Program Manager at the Kings Against Violence Initiative (KAVI))

Due to the nature of my work, I am often drawn into conversations about the conditions shaping our communities and the social development of our young people. One overwhelming sentiment continues to emerge: for many of them, their introduction to violence came as a method of creating safety. I often reflect on a particular conversation with a brilliant young man who explained that one of the most effective ways he had learned to feel safe was to make others fear him. It is always interesting to write and hold conversations about violence, especially while operating in a world where violence has long been one of the primary languages used to engage us; those oppressed by the systems and methods of white hegemony. The conversation often resides solely in how we combat interpersonal violence and effective intervention strategies. While this is an important conversation, it is also necessary to examine violence from different vantage points and identify the connective tissue between them. How do we engage in such a conversation? That is precisely the question The ManKave® Summit sought to answer. 

As we planned the event, we were intentional about making it a multigenerational conversation; one that examined the intersections between the many forms of violence, not only in theory but also in how they are experienced and translated into our daily lives. To set the tone, I had the opportunity to moderate the event’s opening conversation, “Trust, Trauma, and Healing.” 

Our conversation touched on several themes that would guide the rest of the evening: the systems that have caused indescribable trauma, the legitimacy of our mistrust toward those systems, and, most importantly, the methods through which healing becomes possible. Our public health approach required us to examine violence across its historical, structural, intrapersonal, and interpersonal forms. One of the major institutions we discussed was the medical system. Because this activation took place at SUNY Downstate (an academic medical center in Brooklyn), it was important to address the mistrust that many in our communities have toward the medical field. However, the goal was not to offer the familiar acknowledgment of historical harm and then relegate that harm to the past. We wanted to create an honest conversation that not only validated these feelings of distrust but affirmed that they should remain central to how we analyze, navigate, and engage with medical institutions today. 

We are all familiar with the overwhelming statistics that represent this mistrust; Black men have the lowest life expectancy of any major racial/gender group in the U.S., and Black physicians make up only 5% of the physician workforce. Black men are less likely to have a primary care provider. What is often not expressed with these statistics is the history that explains why this distance between Black communities and medical institutions exists. Harriet Washington’s Medical Apartheid speaks directly to that missing context.

We addressed this need by emphasizing extensive outreach to older men and providing on-site screenings. We understand that if trust is to be rebuilt, institutions must first recognize that our mistrust is not irrational; it is informed by history, reinforced by lived experience, and sustained by how these systems continue to treat our communities. Dr. Victor Ukwu, MD, addresses this point by intentionally creating the appropriate partnerships; e.g., Black Men White Coats was present to address those fears. An organization that highlights the importance of being Black in the medical field NOT as a status symbol, but as a bridge of honesty and truth, exposing the wrongs of these institutions and highlighting the benefits of taking our health seriously; and, most importantly, partnering in activities that center our healing. 

Many other catalysts of trauma and mistrust were identified and explored throughout the conversation. As the moderator, one point that stood out to me and later helped shape the event’s Q&A section was the daily representation of operating from a constant sense of unsafety. 

Our panel included social workers, program directors, youth advocates, and young people who participate in community-based programs. The younger panelists emphasized what it means to move through the world without feeling protected and then be judged for the behaviors developed in response to that fear. 

One example was the growing practice of young people wearing “shiesty,” or face coverings, in public spaces and even inside schools. The dominant narrative often assumes that anyone wearing one is perpetrating violence/trouble in some way. An alternative perspective offered during the conversation: “some wear face coverings because they themselves feel unsafe”. For a young person who does not believe that adults, institutions, or the surrounding environment can protect them, concealing their identity or appearing intimidating to others may provide a temporary sense of security that they unconsciously need. What many of us interpret as an attempt to create fear may, in many cases, be a young person’s attempt to manage their own fear. 

Another driver of mistrust and trauma we discussed throughout the event is poverty; It was defined not simply as an unfortunate economic condition, but as a form of structural violence. One that oppressive systems have weaponized to define our lives and limit our choices. Capitalism, by its very nature, is inherently predatory toward people who possess the least, extracting the most from those who can least afford to lose anything. The violence of poverty is found not only in what people lack, but in what that deprivation forces them to endure. These conditions are often discussed as though they result from individual failure, rather than from a system that concentrates abundance among a few while requiring many others to live in manufactured scarcity. The consequences of this violence are then reflected throughout our communities. Chronic stress, anxiety, depression, burnout, school disengagement, high-school dropout rates, survival-based crime, substance use, and many more. 

All these factors led us to a final and necessary question: What can we do to begin and sustain a process of healing?

Healing requires more than conversation. It demands that we develop the knowledge and skills needed to understand the systems affecting our lives, apply that understanding to our daily choices, and advocate for the dismantling of oppressive structures. It also requires intentional spaces where people can process trauma, rebuild trust, access support, and experience a genuine sense of belonging. 

This is central to the work of KAVI (Kings Against Violence Initiative), an intentional partner in creating this event. Through its presence in schools, hospitals, and community centers, KAVI creates spaces where the needs and lived experiences of our communities remain at the center. These spaces help young people and families navigate many of the systems discussed throughout this article while providing mentorship, social-emotional support, and opportunities. 

This work is also reflected in what Dr. Ukwu is building through The ManKave® and his nonprofit organization Maven Community Health, where the intersection of mental and physical health is treated as essential to the wellness of men in our communities. Together, these efforts remind us that healing cannot be separated into isolated categories. Our emotional, physical, social, and communal well-being are deeply connected. 

The healing process is long, demanding, and intensive. It requires all hands on deck. We often hear the phrase, “Hurt people hurt people.” While that may describe how unaddressed pain can spread. We must also affirm that our healing allows us to heal others; When individuals are given the support to confront their trauma, restore their sense of self, and experience genuine care, they are better positioned to extend that healing to others. 

The concept of healing is both personal and collective, and each of us has a role in creating the conditions conducive to healing. It starts within: the desire to address violence must come with the investment in building institutions that center our experiences and value our liberation. It is to invest in those who create meaningful and intentional activations centered in the development of our young people. Get involved: Demand your local school to implement trauma-informed and social learning services. 

Please check the following: 

● Black on Black Violence by Dr Amos Wilson 

● Medical Apartheid by Harriet Washington 

● The Marron within us by Asa G. Hilli